DOUBLETAKE: Rock me like a hurricane!

Welcome to Doubletake, your daily spin on the headlines from Tribune correspondents Jim Oliphant and Jim Tankersley. Ask your doctor if Doubletake is right for you. Side effects include blurred vision, disproportionate anger, and moral bankruptcy.

Jim Oliphant: Good morning! It’s a new week, a new news cycle, and I have a new hair product. I feel good. I feel like Axl Rose judging a junior college beauty pageant.

Jim Tankersley: 90s drugged-out-waif-musical-genius Axl, or bloated, stuck-for-a-decade-on-finishing-the-same-album Axl?

Oliphant: Hey, it’s all about timing, my friend. Have you read the album is actually coming out.

Tankersley: Chinese Democracy. As elusive, at this point, as the lost Cone of Silence at RIck Warren’s church.

Oliphant: I think Axl might be the genius he was supposed to be all along. He just sat and waited–drinking five liters of vodka every day for 10 years—until the whole concept of Chinese democracy was hot.

Tankersley: Which reminds me of the question that’s been nagging me since I overdosed on Olympics and Saddleback Church this weekend: What, in your opinion, was the “greatest moral failing” of Michael Phelps’ record-setting 8 gold-medal performance?

Oliphant: Whoa, Thomas Hobbes. You gonna hit me with that this early on a Monday? I’m just trying to make sure the toothpaste hits the brush with as little blowback as possible. Why dont you tell me?

Read the rest at The Swamp.

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